It's a beautiful blog, honestly, one of the best I've seen so far :)
It must be very difficult as a mum to see her own sons leaving her. I can understand your pain.
I see a lot of premature babies who did not survive in the hospital and I still remember how 'anxious' , almost to the degree of "crazy" when I was pregnant with my two sons. I had all sorts of nightmares.
You are very strong and very passionate.
You made hard but right decisions. It must be heart aching beyond words for you and your hb.
I was not only saddened but touched after reading your blog. It's such a beautiful blog written by such a beautiful mum.
I truly cannot imagine how you walked through all these hardships. I do not think I can do that. I guessed.
I learnt to be more receptive and appreciative. I am lucky, must luckier than a lot of ppl out there. Honestly, I haven't been through any hardships all my life and I thanked God for this. I must have done something real good my past life to deserve a smooth journey this life.
Bee Hooi's death strucked me hard too. We were classmates since kindergarten. I could not sleep for weeks and memories of her kept flashing in front of me for weeks, and even now, I still think of her. I wonder what had she done in her past life to deserve such sufferings. I pity her two boys too.
I used to be very emotional when I first worked. I felt it hard to see kids passing away at such a tender age.
Later, I learnt to protect myself and had became a bit cold blooded.
Working in a baby ICU is not an easy job, making decision to save or to let go is even harder but I like the challenge.
Though now I have to sacrifice that for something more important in life, my famiily. I've seen mothers crying not able to let go of their children.
I've seen a mother cried infront of me telling me how bad she was coz she prayed hard for a boy but forgot to pary for a healthy baby. She had a boy who had malformed heart and eventually died after about 10 days.
I've seen mother getting pregnant to try to save an elder child with the cord blood but the child did not manage to wait for the sister to arrive and save him.
I've seen cute , naive little children suffering from leukaemia and dying from it as there were no donors.
I've seen young little children who matured too early to be able to do their dialysis due to kidney failure.
I've seen healthy boy who suddenly became bed ridden and retarded due to brain infection.
I've seen child with big head due to frequent bleeding in the brain resulting from a failure of the clotting mechanism.
I've seen mother taking care of a child who had retarded growth with uncontrollable seizures. You won't be able to tolerate the sight of a boy fitting in front of you even for 2 seconds but the other has been enduring for the past 10 years!
And lots more......... that's y when I was pregnant, I prayed every night for a healthy baby, doesn't matter sex, pretty or not but as long as they are healthy, coz I've seen to many of those.
And I know, having a healthy baby is not something to take for granted with.
I am glad that my words can be of some comfort to you.
I know it's hard, like I said in my SMS, but it's beyond imagination how much courage and love you had to take you through this difficult part of your life.
It's always good to have religion, of course, your strong will is more important than anything else. And, family support is also crucial.
I can be very sure that you have a very supportive husband and a bright little girl to stand by your side.
It's all history, let go and like you say, life goes on and there's always a better tomorrow if we believe :)
这一段充满泪水的日子，我很明白但却无法想像你是用了多少的爱的毅力熬了过来。
你是一个很伟大及坚强的妈妈。
想告诉你一句老套但真挚的话：雨后总有彩虹，明天一定会更好！祝福你及家人
婉玲
